So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The air was thick with penises
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Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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