Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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