Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
