im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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