Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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