Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
