HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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