Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
