honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
