foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
