I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
