my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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