We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
