oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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