So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
