I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
