puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
