I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
