: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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