She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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