he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
