are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
