I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
