Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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