I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
