I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
