Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can text with my tongue
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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