The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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