i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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