Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
