Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
