No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
