I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
