let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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