so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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