real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
