Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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