coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize