So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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