I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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