This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
