We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
