Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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