Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
