Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
