so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
