my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize