Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
