Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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