My first STD was from a foam party
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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