Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
