Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
