I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
