So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i came on her dog
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
