I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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