I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
