I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
