So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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