i can't believe i had my finger in that
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
