I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
