the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dick very happy bro
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
