Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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